Keeping busy is the best way to be.

I haven't updated in a few days and for that I must apologize. I've been incredibly busy applying for jobs, going on interviews and going out with Chrissey, her dad and her mom. At this point, my vision isn't much better and it's come down to my right eye compensating for my left. I've been able to drive, although I have to do it carefully since I only have a bit of peripheral vision in the left. The dimmer switch is still turned almost all the way down leaving the center of my vision shadowed in the dark. It's annoying but I'm adjusting. I can't wait until I get to the point where it just a.) seems normal or b.) my vision returns. I'm hoping for the latter.
The count down until I'm off prednisone continues. I have to admit, I'll be sad to see it go since it's the only thing that aides me in my weight loss. This is how I know my body is all sorts of screwed up. When most people lose their period and gain weight, I gain my period and lose weight. It just doesn't make sense. If it weren't for all the terrible side effects I'd beg my doctor to let me stay on it, just for the benefits of the weight loss. It wouldn't even have to be a large dose, just maybe two pills a day to keep the weight loss coming.
There isn't much else to report. I continue to suffer with acne and hair growth, but, it's all part of the daily challenge with these two diseases. I'm also a bit nervous right now anyways because as it turns out, I no longer have insurance. I'm desperately trying to get on state insurance and on Monday, between interviews I'm going to check out getting on disability since I'm still blind. Let's hope I get it kids!

Living each day.

I didn't mean to miss a couple days of posting but I found myself on a spontaneous adventure that was much needed. After not being able to drive and not having much to do, I was getting a bit of cabin fever. We managed to solve that problem.
The weekend was rather exciting and served as a reminder that even though I'm sick, I can be spontaneous and adventurous. I don't have to give that up, nor do I plan to.
Saturday started off rather weakly as I was troubled with the most terrible of cramps. At one point I thought my uterus was going to evacuate, it was so bothersome. The day turned around when we went and decided to have lunch at a local restaurant called Ohana in the Roseway Theater neighborhood. It was Hawaiian food and oh so delicious. The sun was shining and I've noticed on days it's particularly bright I see a bit better. We then proceeded to the Roseway Theater and watched The King's Speech which was pretty spectacular. It's interesting watching movies with one eye pinched shut so I don't have double vision. It's annoying but it doesn't detract from the movie.
Later that evening Chrissey and I went to her friend Kristen and Shari's for a bit of board games and rowdy conversation. It was just what I needed, a nice welcoming embrace to the Portland community. In fact, it was so much fun we didn't want it to end. We gassed up the car and decided to drive the two hours to Lincoln City, eat at Maxwell's and stay overnight. The coast is one of my favorite places, the smell in the air and the wind, to me there is nothing better. We drove back yesterday morning, stopping and snapping pictures and having a good time. I have to say, I love late night car rides with Chrissey. Sometimes the conversation gets so deep and fascinating that we have to pause for several moments of silence while we process it all. I learn so much about her and even more about myself on these little trips. I think that's what I missed most on my travels across the country. I missed connecting and sharing that profound and life altering experience. It was nice to be able to have a bit of self reflection but I think it would have been an amazing experience if I was able to share it with her.
The vision is slowly improving although today there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. The prednisone is putting pressure on my eye and it aches, but it's tolerable at this point. It's not like weeks ago when I nearly wanted to pluck my eye out of my head because the pain was so severe. I'm not satisfied with the rate of progress but alas, any sort of progress is better than the alternative.
I have a job interview on Wednesday as well as an oil change so it's my hope that by then I'll be able to drive. I really should start resting my eyes more frequently as I suppose that would help. I did figure out the best way to describe what it is I see. At this point it's almost like someone turned the dimmer switch in my eye all the way down so it's difficult to really focus or make out any specific details. I hope for my sake, and the sake of my wallet that I will be able to see soon. I need to find a job.

Accomplishing stuff, a MSers dream.

My brain isn't fuzzy today. There's been a cloud lifted and I think it's because I'm beginning to taper off of the meds. I was actually able to complete my assigned readings for my Enlightenment class and then move on to the discussion. Yay for accomplishment. I've also applied for several jobs, including state and country jobs (which has good benefits).
I hate the days when I don't really feel like I have any insight to offer. I just feel like I'm getting better, each day I regain a little more of my vision with the hopes of tomorrow it being restored completely. I hate taking life one day at a time, I'd prefer everything to be instantaneous and set out in front of me like a Thanksgiving meal. I'm definitely a child of instant gratification, that's probably why I have no will power.
I do hope I'll be able to drive soon. My car is crying out for an oil change and I'd like it to get one but I just don't have the way of getting it down there. Come on prednisone, you've already made me pimply and quite round, why not do what you're supposed to so the public can be exposed to it as well. I'm all about sharing.
At least tonight is going to be low-key. It's just a movie and pizza. Nothing difficult about it and since I've completed what I needed to I can actually relax. If only all of us MSers could just relax. Tomorrow, on the other hand, is a completely different story. There's been mention of the word pedicure and my grubby bits are curling backwards in protest. It'll be the first time, hopefully not the last.

I love the quiet days.

Today was rather mild as far as symptoms go. I took my third day of six prednisone and look forward to tapering down to five tomorrow and so on. I'm on the second day of my prednisone induced menstrual cycle and the cravings are horrendous. I'm not even entirely sure what's driving them, the prednisone or the fact that PMSing. And I am. I'm irritable, depressed, anxious, bloated and broken out. I can't even imagine being anymore unhappy with my body. I need to start getting out there and moving around before the prednisone makes more fat little grubby pockets all over my body. The only good thing is that my vision is slowly coming back, I can actually make out differences in brightness.
The prednisone acne is bad. Very bad. It's all over my face, curves around my ears and is starting to spread down to my shoulders. They look like blisters more than anything else. My body is literally pushing the medicated toxins out of my body. It's disgusting. I feel like a game of connect the dots on a child's play pad.
I think, by far, what's getting to me the most is the depression. It's making me homesick, which is a very rare thing for me to feel. I've got this nagging little voice in the back of my head telling me I made a bad decision. I know this is far from true, that I made the right decision for me but it's this damn depression.
Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh slate. We'll have to see what happens.

I wish I could just understand.

I'm sick of doctor's not listening to me when I tell them something's wrong with me. I've been to a rather rude endocrinologist who shrugged my rather odd symptoms off as a just another PCOs'er who needs to exercise and lose weight. She completely disregarded my statements when I told her there was a connection between solumedrol/prednisone and my periods. I honestly believe that she, after seeing hundreds of other overweight patients, just looked at the shell casing and dismissed me. It's a shame. I really think there's an opportunity here at a discovery.
You see, it all started when I was in my early teens. I received my period once, from the time I was 13 until I was put on birth control when I was 17. That was the beginning of my journey but there's been a few bumpy parts along the way. Bumpy parts, that just don't make any sense.
Prednisone makes my body menstruate. That's right. Of all the things the doctor's have put me on including birth control, metformin, estrogen, etc. the one thing that allows me to have a cycle is the prednisone. At this rate, it's the only thing that works. I would consider it a fluke if it happened once or twice while on prednisone but so far it's happened during every one of my treatments.
I've said this before, but I can't help but feel it's all connected. I've sometimes considered the idea that it may be cushing's or some related disease but nevertheless, it always points to hormones. Perhaps it's some sort of adrenal crisis? I haven't the slightest idea. My main goal, when I get insurance out here, is to see a specialist, someone who is actually interested in these weird symptoms and will listen to me when I tell them something is wrong.
I think it all comes down to discrimination from doctor's. Whenever they see an overweight person walk into their office they immediately think of this person as unhealthy, a hypochondriac and just in need of losing a few pounds. I really wish doctor's would treat the symptoms and the body, not just my shape.

The sufferer conundrum.

I recently came across a blog written by a fellow MSer that could have easily been written about me. It was the condemnation of using the terms “MS sufferer.” I use these two terms together, at the frown of my fellow blogger, because I have my own reasons for using them. I consider myself a sufferer because, at this time, it's something I do suffer with, just like I have to suffer with annoying in-laws or noisy upstairs neighbors. It's the annoying pest that whistles in my ear while I go about my daily business and I suffer with it, because it's the hand I was dealt. One man's journey is another man's suffering.
It almost seems petty to attack something so silly as a term, or as it's put elsewhere, a label. It reminds me of those days in high school where we protested the labels we were given by society while others embraced it. Who cares? If I choose to consider myself a sufferer, that's my choice just as it's your choice to use a different phrase. Heck, I even call myself a PCOs sufferer, because, you would too if you've ever spent a half hour in front of the bathroom mirror plucking chin hairs with tweezers you can't even see.
Quite honestly, I picked the phrase up from a medical professional and it was just something that stuck. Instead of attacking the phrase, offer some other coined term we can use instead. Instead of picking apart labels, wouldn't it make more sense to present a united front? Remember, we're the source of available, real life information for the newly diagnosed.

My face is a volcano.

Or at least it looks that way. No, volcano is the wrong word, more like moon-faced. The small steroid pimples have begun to pop up all over, mostly in noticeable areas like above my lip (ugh) and around the corner creases of my mouth. I just spent a futile ten minutes scrubbing my face in a feeble attempt at trying to control my acne with a face wash. There's not much you can do when it's literally your body trying to rid itself of the toxins created by the medication. My face is a poster campaign for rejection.
I'm trying to decide, at the moment, what's worse. The acne or the hirsutism (facial hair) sweeping across my chin. I bet my body is loving feeding off the steroids so it can start new cultivations of hair colonies in abnormal places, like perhaps a patch right at the base of my spine or the fatty hump curving between my shoulder blades. It all has a sense of poetry to it, doesn't it? I should just be smart about it and just let it grow into a beard instead of spending the time to sit and pluck each hair. Then I'll fasten down my breasts and wear flannel. Hey, I bet it could really fly here. No need to even take testosterone, I make enough of it on my own.