Friday, January 27, 2012

I gave up.

I gave up and moved back home. So many relapses, so much illness, just so much. So here I am. Here I am back in New York, living in my parents house and under their rules. At 28-years-old, after being independent for 10 years, I'm trying to let it all sink in.

Since leaving Portland I've had a few stints in the hospital, my most recent being this past week. It left me depressed and untrusting of doctors. The doctor I was forced to see pretty much told me it was all in my head and that I just needed to make sure I was making sure I was breathing correctly. This was to avoid the full-body spasms I was getting. Then they discharged me. Meanwhile, I continue to have leg, back and arm spasms which are worse at night when I'm sleeping. They are so bad that I wake up in the morning and am unable to walk. After all of this, what's not to be depressed about?

The good news is that I have an appointment with a SSD neurologist, which means my case is moving along. Hopefully soon I'll know whether I need to appeal or if I get it. I've been talking to my mother about the possibility that if it's approved, of getting a very small dog to keep me company during the day when no one is home. I have a very hard time getting around lately, mostly due to the spasms, so it might benefit me to have an animal companion here. Although, it might be a better idea to look into an actual service animal. I don't know, it's all up in the air.


  1. Hi Desiree, my name is Kylie & I came across your blog while I was passing time in hospital for a massive ms relapse. I'm so glad you posted again - I've been checking in from time to time. I don't think your weak - I went home to my parents for six weeks after they discharged me. MS sucks and I really hope you get some relief from your symptoms soon.

  2. Hi Desiree: I am a student and for a project we are supposed to follow a blog and get an idea of how it works. It is for a psychology class and the idea is to understand what a disability 'means' in one's life. My son's father, whom I have had no contact, has MS and now that my son is 43, I feel like I should know more than I do now. I hope you don't mind asking a question if I have one. If my son had to move home I would welcome it. You sound independent and it must be hard but there is no place like home. Carmen

  3. Hey Desiree, I to have MS. I just posted on my Blog a list of MS Therapies that may help you. I think there is 16 or 17 links I have labeled. Take a look and maybe there is one or a combination of things that can help put your MS into remission. Though, you do need to start and always maintain a DETOXING diet. That along with STRESS MANAGEMENT. The less stress, the better.


  4. Read your blog - thinking about you!

    When I was having TN pain - the most annoying thing ppl. could ever have said to me was "it's in your head".

    Sending positive vibes your way.