Friday, July 1, 2011

The way things were.

I’ve been rather terrible at keeping this blog updated despite my promises in the past to be better at it.

The reason? Recovery.

I’ve been working at embracing my life and pushing away all the stress. I’m really, quite honestly, living life one day at a time.

The good news: I’ve completely recovered from my last relapse. Thank goodness! I have no lasting side effects, except for random bouts of major fatigue. I know I’m very fortunate and I’m thankful for all of your prayers and kind words during my ordeal.

The other good news? I landed a job, was hired on as permanent after only a month and was given insurance at the beginning of my third month. Unfortunately, because of my relapse in January, I can’t get treatment for my MS quite yet but I’ve been told I will be able to in November. So I just have to hold out until then. I’m sure wonky things are going on in my brain and spine but I’m just trying not to worry about that right now. Stress never does us any good, no matter if you are healthy or not.

I’m also in the process of trying to change who I am as a human being. In the past I’ve let stress rule me, I’ve been bossy and I’ve just been unhappy. I think embracing the idea of living life one day at a time is really helping with this. I do have my moments where the depression pulls me under, but it’s so rare now it’s like a blue moon. Moving to Portland really was the best decision, for me. Some might argue that that decision was selfish but after spending five years or more taking care of others instead of myself I think I get to be selfish! Now, I’m happy. Not the pseudo happy where you plaster a fake waxy smile on your face but the deep down, ray of sunshine kind of happy. I’m grateful for the life I get to live now and all of the wonderful people I’ve surrounded myself with. I’ve decided that if you make me unhappy, if you are overly negative, chances are I’m going to cut you out of my life. It may be a slow and painful process but negativity only breeds negativity and I, for one, don’t need that in my life.

Despite not being able to take charge of my MS at the current moment in time, I am going to tackle my PCOs. I have an appointment with a OBGYN/endocrinologist/fertility specialist who has gotten some great reviews on PCOs websites on the 29th. I may have to reschedule it due to a previous engagement but I at least have put my foot in the door.

The next step in my life is filing for divorce. Right now I’m trying to get the funds together to make this a reality, but in all essence, it’s something we both want so when the money is available it will be a really simple process. I’ve also started seeing a really great guy who just wants me for me. There’s no pressure and he makes it easy.

Life with Jan and Chrissey is also perfect. We have our moments now and then but otherwise we get along splendidly. Chrissey is like the sister I never had (no disrespect to my actual sisters, but the age difference between didn’t really lend itself to you being a positive influence in my life). I call my lovely ladies out here my “Oregon” family and I love them all dearly.

I’m off to put the positive karma out into the universe. You all take care and don’t be a stranger!


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